Lyrics for Growltiger’s Last Stand by T.S. Eliot :
[MALE CAT]
Growltiger was a Bravo cat who travelled on a barge

[MALE CATS]
In fact he was the roughest cat that ever roamed at large

[COMPANY]
From Gravesend up to Oxford he pursued his evil aims
Rejoicing in his title of:

[GROWLTIGER]
“The Terror of the Thames”

[MALE CAT]
His manners and appearance did not calculate to please
His coat was torn and seedy, he was baggy at the knees
Once ear was somewhat missing, no need to tell you why
And he scowled upon a hostile world from one forbidding eye

[COMPANY]
The cottagers of Rotherhithe knew something of his fame
At Hammersmith and Putney people shuddered at his name

[MALE CAT]
They would fortify the henhouse, lock up the silly goose

[COMPANY]
When the rumour ran along the shore:

[GROWLTIGER]
“Growltiger’s on the loose!”

[MALE CAT]
Woe to the weak canary that flutters from its cage

[MALE CAT]
Woe to the pampered Pekinese that faced Growltiger’s rage

[MALE CAT]
Woe to the bristly bandicoot that lurks on foreign ships

[MALE CAT]
And woe to any cat with whom Growltiger came to grips

[MALE CAT]
But most to cats of foreign race his hatred had been vowed

[FEMALE CAT]
To cats of foreign name and race no quarter was allowed

[FEMALE CATS]
The Persian and the Siamese regarded him with fear
Because it was a Siamese that mauled his missing ear

[MALE CAT]
Now on a peaceful summer’s night all nature seemed at play
The tender moon was shining bright, the barge at Molesey lay

[COMPANY]
All in the balmy moonlight it lay rocking on the tide
And Growltiger was disposed to show his sentimental side

[MALE CAT]
Growltiger’s bucko mate Grumbuskin long since had disappeared
For to the Bell at Hampton he had gone to wet his beard

[MALE CAT]
And his bosun, Tumblebrutus, he too had stole away
In the yard behind the Lion he was prowling for his prey

[MALE CAT]
In the forepeak of the vessel Growltiger sat alone

[GRIDDLEBONE]
Concentrating his attention on the Lady Griddlebone

[MALE CATS]
And his raffish crew lay sleeping in their barrels and their bunks

[SIAMESE]
As the Siamese came creeping in their sampans and their junks

[GROWLTIGER]
Growltiger had no eye or ear for aught but Griddlebone

[GRIDDLEBONE]
And the lady seemed enraptured by his manly baritone

[GROWLTIGER and GRIDDLEBONE]
Disposed to relaxation and awaiting no surprise

[SIAMESE]
But the moonlight shone reflected from a thousand bright blue eyes
And closer still and closer the sampans circled ’round
And yet from all the enemy there was not heard a sound
The foe was armed with toasting forks and cruel carving knives

[GROWLTIGER and GRIDDLEBONE]
And the lovers sang their last duet in danger of their lives

[GROWLTIGER]
Oh, how well I remember The Old Bull and Bush
Where we used to go down of a Saturday night
Where, when anything happened, it come with a rush
For the boss, Mr. Clark, he was very polite

A very nice house, from basement to garret
A very nice house, ah, but it was the parrot
The parrot, the parrot, named Billy M’Caw
What brought all those folks to the bar
Ah, he was the life of the bar

Of a Saturday night, we was all feeling bright
And Lily LaRose, the barmaid that was
She’d say “Billy! Billy M’Caw! Come give us, come give us, a dance on the bar!”
And Billy would dance on the bar
And Billy would dance on the bar
And then we’d feel balmy
In each eye a tear
And emotion would make us all order more beer

Lily, she was a girl what had brains in her head
She wouldn’t have nothing
No, not that much said
If it come to an argument or a dispute
She would settle it offhand with the toe of her boot
Or as likely as not put her fist through your eye
And when we was happy and just a bit dry
Or when we was thirsty just a bit sad
She would rap on the bar with that corkscrew she had
And say “Billy! Billy M’Caw! Come give us a tune on your pastoral flute!”
And Billy’d strike up on his pastoral flute
And Billy’d strike up on his pastoral flute
And then we’d feel balmy
In each eye a tear
And emotion would make us all order more beer

[GROWLTIGER and GRIDDLEBONE]
“Billy! Billy M’Caw! Come give us a tune on your moley guitar!”
And Billy’d strike up on his moley guitar
And Billy’d strike up on his moley guitar
And then we’d feel balmy
In each eye a tear
And emotion would make us all order more beer

[SIAMESE]
“Billy! Billy M’Caw! Come give us a tune on your moley guitar!”

[GROWLTIGER]
Ah, he was the life of the bar

[GILBERT]
Then Gilbert gave the signal to his fierce Mongolian hordes
With a frightful burst of fireworks, the chinks they swarmed aboard!

[GRIDDLEBONE]
Then Griddlebone, she gave a screech, for she was badly skeered
I’m sorry to admit it, but she quickly disappeared

[GROWLTIGER]
She probably escaped with ease, I’m sure she was not drowned

[COMPANY]
But a serried ring of flashing steel Growltiger did surround
The ruthless foe pressed forward in stubborn rank on rank

[GROWLTIGER]
Growltiger to his vast surprise was forced to walk the plank

[COMPANY]
He who a hundred victims had driven to that drop
At the end of all his crimes was forced to go kerflip kerflop

Oh there was joy in Wapping when the news flew through the land
At Maidenhead and Henley there was dancing on the Strand
Rats were roasted whole in Brentford and Victoria Dock
And a day of celebration was commanded in Bangkok!

[GUS]
These modern productions they’re all very well
But there’s nothing to equal from what I hear tell
That moment of mystery when I made history…